Do you ever get asked the same question over and over by hundreds of seemingly well-meaning people that you have never met? Or better yet, do you ever feel like this same throng of people is giving you answers to questions that you haven’t asked? The younger the child, the more people there are giving unsolicited advice, from family to friends to complete strangers. Once in a while, these little nuggets turn out to be gold, but more often the “advice” leaves us wondering why it was even given.

Once, while we were out grocery shopping, Henley was taste testing different lox samples at a fish counter (don’t ask how, but it is one of her favorite foods), and a woman we didn’t know walked by our cart and told me that I was damaging Henley’s brain. SHOCK. Why? Was is the fish? Was I doing something to her that I didn’t even know was hurting her? No, none of the above were the answer. It was because I had one of those elastic headbands with a tiny bow on her head. I thought I heard the woman wrong, so I proceeded with something like, “Thanks, isn’t it cute?” Which was obviously the wrong answer because she proceeded to tell me that I was causing pressure on Henley’s soft spot and therefore permanent brain damage. I said, “Thanks,” and walked away. I was so mad at myself for saying that! All I wanted to say was, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” And then I wanted to make up this grand story about how I was a leading researcher on brain injuries in young children and that I had these six scientific studies that all showed that headbands were harmless. My point is, everyone always wants to give advice, but parents rarely want it. Parents want to be able to navigate parenthood without feeling like every decision they make is being judged.

Tell me what you think about this setup: Henley is currently enrolled in tap dance on Mondays, gymnastics on Tuesdays, piano lessons and ballet lessons on Wednesdays, and swim lessons on Fridays, and each lesson is about 30 minutes away from our house. Oh, and I want to find an art class for her. What about the driving? Too much? Not enough? Just right? I know I said before that as parents we tend to not want all that outside feedback, but this time I asked, and I am sure you have an opinion. After I explain my choices though, let me know if you’ve changed your response.

Henley is not currently enrolled in any type of school, which means she is home with me from the moment she wakes up until the moment she goes to sleep. This spans about 12 hours, with no nap. Unless I have plans, we are usually brainstorming ideas about what to do for the day, over a regular breakfast of “banana flowers” - banana slices with peanut butter, raisins, and honey, arranged in the shape of whatever Henley can come up with that morning. Henley has a great core group of friends, seven of them to be exact. She has known just about all of them since she was born. But five of them are in school at least three days a week, and some of their parents are still at work when the school day ends, which means they are not always free in the afternoons before we start to wind down the day. Henley is also quiet and shy, until she gets to know you. She is not going to play at the park and want to make friends with the next kid on the slide - she is probably going to avoid that person and everyone else and want to spend ALL OF HER TIME WITH ME. (As a side note, if you do have advice on how to get her to open up to new friends faster, I would love that! But, back to our current reality. . .) Henley needs a break from me and I need a break from her. A 45 minute break, to be exact. And in these small groups at tap or gymnastics, Henley thrives. She is funny and gregarious, a great listener, and is always trying her best. And do you think I get that same girl when she is with me for THE ENTIRE day? No way! Henley is an extremely even-keeled child who is polite and wants to please the adults around her, but she needs to see structure that I can’t provide, and she needs to be with her peers. Do you have a different opinion on these activities now?

What is it like where you live? Do you have access to everything you want to do within a few miles or a few minutes? We most certainly do not. We live in a small town. Lahaina is getting bigger (future post on that for another day) - we have a Safeway, we have a few outlet stores (literally, The Gap and Banana Republic), a few gyms, and lots of places to eat. What about tap dance? Nope. Gymnastics? There are a few tumbling options, but there is not a full, dedicated gymnastics facility over here. Piano, we got lucky and found a great private teacher, but the original recommendation was over an hour away. Ballet? There is one place that does offer ballet, but again, it’s not a fully dedicated ballet studio, and it feels like more of side dish than a main course. If given a choice, most people choose the more traditional ballet studio because they put on grand performances in real theaters. And swim classes? We’re lucky there, and we even get to used a heated pool. Now maybe you’re thinking, well there are other options, look at everything you just wrote, so why sit in the car for over an hour each day for these classes that probably don’t offer any more in the long run than the ones geographically closer? Good question. I guess we just committed ourselves to them, and we both love them.

Here’s a quick rundown in day-of-the-week order of what Henley has to say about each activity: “Tap is cool because there are sparkly stars and ribbons hanging all over the walls (apparently this is a very logical reason for a three year old). I get to wear a leotard and no undies at gymnastics. I like piano because my teacher plays flute for me when I come in the door and she has cats. I LOVE ballet (queue passés, arabesques, kicks at the imaginary barre, leaps, and pirouettes). I’m a great swimmer and get purple ice cream after I have a great swim (yes, we still try to trick her into thinking an açai bowl is ice cream even though she knows it is not).

Do any of these reasons make me feel like we we have to stick with these classes that aren’t around the corner from our house? No, and really, it makes me feel like we could look around for other, closer options. But, like I said, I’m committed to these places as much as Henley is.

Tap makes me laugh. There is very little structure to the class and it’s one of the only times I see Henley really let loose and be silly and free. I highly recommend Judy’s Gang to any Maui family. It is one of the most affordable and happy places around.

Henley has had the same gymnastics coach since she was 18 months old, as have most of the other children in her class, and I love the woman who teaches her. She’s my friend as much as she’s Henley’s coach. We bring her chocolate and coffee regularly because those are her favorites.

Henley playing piano at the Ritz Carlton, Kapalua

Piano is a world I’m still new to and because the lesson is one-on-one, I get this time to myself. I sit back in the big loveseat and text until my fingers ache. It’s my “me-time”.

Ballet is also my favorite of Henley’s classes. This is a closed-door, no parents watching class, which was a huge hurdle for Henley to overcome. We tried the class during its previous session, and Henley would not participate even if I sat in the room. After we ended that, she begged and begged to go back when ballet started again in the spring, and she has shined there ever since. Also, I really like hanging with one of the other moms, which is always a bonus, but mostly I’m proud of Henley.

Swim is another one of these long term commitments. Henley has been going to the same swim class for almost three years, and she is an excellent swimmer. Why stop something great? I don’t think you do. It doesn’t hurt either that Henley has opened up completely to her swim coach in a way that makes you proud of your child. They have a great bond during these classes where Henley is learning how to work hard and have fun too.

Do I think Henley is going to be famous and achieve the highest honors in all of these activities one day? Absolutely not. For now, though, they are making us happy and we can afford to fill an hour and a half of our days with something outside of the house.

Do your children participate in any activities? What are your feelings on them? Which ones do you love? Are there any you have walked away from? If your children are in school, do you feel like their school offers enough extra curricular activities? Do they feel exhausted at the end of the day or are they ready for more? This is us seeking real advice again! Can you tell we are on the fence about preschool next year? We only have eight days to decide what we are going to do!!!!!

Advice - Scheduling Our Week